Motherhood Mindfulness: My 40-Day Postpartum Journey & Pillars for Healing
Surprise!
My husband and I brought a baby into the world earlier this year. And as a meditation and mindfulness teacher, I have so much to share about how I’ve been navigating care (for myself, for Baby, in community) in our current age, including the raw and hard parts that I wasn’t prepared for.
Below is not just a reflection on my first 40 days postpartum, but a reflection on love, healing, and adaptation in our current world– Where it stands for many people, and what it could be through radical self-inquiry, mindfulness, and increased awareness.
Whether or not you relate to the personal journey/ childbirth, I hope you find value in the lessons, and the ways we can better care for ourselves and one another.
40 is a significant number in many cultures. It can represent an initiation period– a journey of healing, growing, reflecting, and becoming.
Across the world, a 40-day postpartum period is honored as the initiation into motherhood. Particularly in Eastern cultures, the mother who just gave birth is supposed to be nourished, supported, and cared for so she can grow into her role as a mother, bond with her baby, and heal her body.
In the West, however, this sacred practice isn’t done much. Women are told to “bounce back” rather quickly, or be forced to return to work before they’re feeling physically up to it. Plus, this all hinges on if they have the privilege of maternity leave at all, since not everyone is guaranteed paid leave for any amount of time, let alone extended periods.
As someone who owns their own business, it was up to me to set my own maternity leave “policies.” I decided I was going to honor myself in postpartum and embark on a 40-day healing and bonding period, with room at the end to very slowly ease back into my business so I could mindfully re-orient to my new life.
I did some research during my pregnancy and also spoke to women in my family and culture who had gone through this period or helped a new mother so that I could customize an experience for myself. I got the book The First 40 Days by Heng Ou, which was deeply informative and inspiring.
I built my 40-day period around the following pillars from that book:
Rest
“Create conditions within and without for good sleep and repair.”
Retreat
“Draw the circumference of your world in closer.”
Support
“Receive help from your ‘village’ so you can give fully to Baby.”
Warmth
“Conserve, protect, and replenish your life force.”
Ritual
“Honor the significance and sacredness of this time.”
Here’s how I integrated intense, deep Rest.
Giving birth is the most physically intense process a woman or birthing person goes through, not to mention the 9 months of pregnancy beforehand. It’s like running a marathon where, as SOON as you’ve crossed the finish line, you immediately begin caring for a tiny being, possibly start breastfeeding, and do it all without much sleep.
So of course, finding ways to integrate deep rest is important (for new mothers but also for everyone). But first I had to redefine rest.
For one, it looked quite different before Baby was born. As a meditation teacher, I was always quite good at rest, but I dealt with insomnia for the first time in my life while I was pregnant due to hormonal changes. And postpartum… well, to not get a full night’s sleep, night after night, has a compounding effect. I have been shocked at my ability to function with such little sleep, but the physical and emotional impacts are real.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps” is fine and good advice, but what about when you need to eat? Shower? This 40-day period relied heavily on eliminating a new mother’s need to do anything other than take care of herself and Baby (that means no cooking, laundry, housework, unnecessary mental load, etc.). I was lucky to have family stay over to help with all of this so that I could rest whenever it became possible. My mom and mother-in-law were especially integral as I enlisted them to cook meals and overall help care for me during this sacred period.
Another important piece of my rest was engaging in Yoga Nidra practice. I made it a non-negotiable part of my week. Meaning, no matter what, I carved out time with my teacher, even if that meant pumping to prepare a bottle at a different time, moving bath time, or something else. Tuesday evenings were for me, with my Yoga Nidra teacher, and I practiced on my own intermittently throughout the week as well.
This practice also helped me through quite a bit of physical pain, and was an integral part of my healing process inside and out, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. It made me calmer, healthier, and in turn better able to keep taking care of myself and Baby. For anyone, not just new mothers, these two components (support and committed time set aside for self-care like meditation) are fantastic pillars for rest in general. If we redefine what rest means aside from overnight sleep, we can make it a part of our world and routine, and we can get more of it.
The second integration, similar to rest, was Retreat.
While rest means relaxing and sleeping, retreat means energy management – choosing what of the “outside world” gets to enter your headspace. Of course I deleted social media to start. I knew, in moments of overwhelm or a craving for distraction, I would be susceptible to scrolling. I knew I didn’t want to fill my space with random people / advice / ads and stuff my brain with unnecessary noise. I also deliberately took a break from world news – as I knew I would feel helpless and sad, which doesn’t benefit anyone.
But beyond those personal “intake” decisions, retreat also meant not taking any visitors. Other than my immediate family members (my “village”) who were helping run the house, we did not have anyone over to meet Baby during those first 40 days. If I had visitors, I would feel obligated to “host,” to step into the kitchen… overall things that clashed with my Rest+Retreat commitment. Plus, it was to keep Baby safe from outside germs in the early days of his life while his immune system was still developing and before he was able to get vaccinated.
The last part of retreat was somehow finding “me time,” which I was best able to do with my meditation practice.
Early motherhood is the epitome of needing to “put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others.” Despite what social media might portray, life with a newborn is not cozy and cuddly all the time. The snuggles are definitely real and amazing! But there are times that evoke a deep frustration that compounds with navigating pain in the body and lack of sleep.
The baby just will not nap! Or keeps eating (from my body) nonstop. Or I have no idea why he’s crying and I’ve done everything to try and stop it and he just won’t let up!
These moments are hard and I was grateful that years of meditation practice have trained me to build and replenish a reserve within myself– a place for me to go and rest and know who I am. To know that I’m not the emotions, I’m not the passing thoughts, and that everything changes. There is a permanent peaceful place inside that I can touch at any moment if I take some space, get really quiet, and listen.
The third integration was Support.
Different from the in-home support I was receiving from family, this support was about what resources were at my disposal that supported my healing (and my “becoming” journey as a mother).
For instance, I’ve chosen to breastfeed. In order to do that, I needed to make sure I myself am nourished. Not to mention, your body needs fuel to keep healing from the birth itself. If you thought you were hungry during pregnancy, you’ll be surprised how much hungrier you become post-partum if you’re breastfeeding!
I knew I could get support from my food by choosing the right fuel/meals, and I worked with an Ayurvedic practitioner to help with meal planning (and massages).
For me, this included very easy-to-digest foods: soft, warming, and satiating (high-fat content) foods. I needed to nourish on my own as well as anytime Baby eats, so there was really no concept of “3 meals a day.” I simply ate whenever I needed (MANY times throughout a 24-hour period), and gratefully received support from my family, who cooked for me in-home, and friends, who sent food. If you want to give the most practical/helpful gift to a mother, send food!
Secondly, despite the second pillar “retreat,” I still needed some social support. Community is a lifeline to all, and this doesn’t change for mothers. In fact, it gets more intense. We need not only support as a new mother and support for Baby, but also friends to remind us of our usual routines and who we were (are) before this wild new journey of motherhood. Friends to vent to, therapists to get advice from, people who keep us connected to the outside world only in the ways we choose.
For me, I actually found an uncommon gratitude for my phone. Instead of the tool that constantly stole away my attention, it became my mindful tool to connect with others only when I wanted to and had the space for it. Low-pressure text conversations, photo swapping, and the occasional FaceTime (without having anyone physically in my space) was the perfect balance of connection and retreat.
It was also helpful for me to join a new mothers group– Another group to “tap in” and “tap out” of when I needed, specifically with others going through similar experiences. This was essential to having space held for me in a nonjudgmental way by people who really “get it” (especially the messy and embarrassing bits).
This group also had mothers a little further along than me, which provided a much-needed “light at the end of the tunnel” perspective. It was nice to see that there is a calm that can come after the storm of raw, unpredictable, sleep-deprived early days.
The fourth integration: Warmth.
Part of this philosophy of the postpartum period is that, after giving birth, the womb becomes cold.
The birthing person goes from having 50% more blood volume than normal (along with all kinds of other fluids) keeping the insides full and warm, to all of that being on the outside. This was the strangest sensation– to feel an emptiness inside my body as my organs moved back into place. This emptiness/coldness is combated by warming foods and practices. So on top of the warming foods I mentioned in the Support pillar, it was also helpful for me to:
Have hot water and tea often
Not go outside too often. This is to refrain from getting too much coldness and Air element. (Find your balance here, and depending on the season/weather, so that you can ground in nature and get some Vitamin D without exposing yourself to too much cold/air). I went out rarely to get a little sun, and when I did, I really bundled up and wrapped my belly extra.
Not shower too often for the same reason (to avoid being cold/with wet hair when you get out), as well as even wearing a beanie inside.
In all honesty, I did the following exercises only vaguely, not strictly or guided, but they could serve as inspiration:
Partake in practices that harmonize the Solar Plexus chakra (our energy center just above the navel that governs the fire element, self-identity, inner fire/purpose, and personal power) such as certain asana poses from yoga, and adham pranayama (belly breathing) or breath of fire (use caution or practice with the guidance of a teacher — not all pranayama is good when pregnant/postpartum and heavily depends on your experience!).
Partake in practices that reconnected me to chi in my body (from Traditional Chinese Medicine, chi is our life force energy; in Yogic/Vedic philosophy, this is similar to prana), such as bodily movement (moving, dancing, shaking), and feeling (hands on your body to bring awareness to our physical form).
Essentially, during the postpartum period, your body is like a house with all the windows open. We need to close them! Letting oneself become too cold could have lasting effects, including an impact on menopause. It’s a transition as significant as puberty.
Last, if you can, wear/wrap with your baby :) Not only is this warmth for you both, but it’s like softening the shock of no longer being in the womb. It takes ~3 months for them to realize they are separate from you, and it’s no simple transition for Mom either.
The fifth and final integration: Ritual.
Routines are ritual. Habits are ritual. The difference between mindless habits/routines and ritual is intention. This pillar in that sacred 40-day postpartum period was the slipperiest to hang onto.
There is no sense of normalcy as a new mother, so this pillar seemed funny to me at first. Every day, every hour is different. How does one create rituals in this type of environment?
Prior to pregnancy and childbirth, I was the type of person to have a long morning routine involving meditation and prayer, luxuriating in tea making and other practices. But now, I barely had the energy to go sit on my meditation cushion, let alone step into the kitchen or even have the time for a long, drawn-out tea process (I needed the caffeine immediately).
But Heng Ou says, “ritual, small ways of honoring yourself, can help to anchor you as the ground moves beneath your feet.”
For me, I saw ritual as moments of self-care (any moments I could find… they could become ritual through setting intention and engaging in those moments with mindfulness).
I was lucky enough to invest in postnatal massages that became a weekly ritual for this short time. My meditation practice, though not done sitting in my usual place on my cushion with all the usual paraphernalia, was still done while I was lying in bed, breastfeeding, taking deep belly breaths (adham or dirgha pranayama) with Baby and sending him and myself loving-kindness.
I also made it a point to take a shower and brush my teeth every day. This seems basic, but you’d be surprised how hard it is to find time for these basics every day. These moments in the bathroom alone, though it was just a few minutes, became a grounding ritual if I mindfully planted my feet on the ground, or noticed the water on my face or the taste of toothpaste. Again, any moment could become a “ritual” by injecting intention and mindfulness into the task.
I say all of this, also, with immense grace for myself and other new mothers out there – none of these practices were perfect. Some days I wasn’t able to come back to mindfulness often. Some days I didn’t find those important moments or opportunities to reground or meditate. Some days I absolutely zoned out on Netflix, even on my phone while brushing my teeth.
That was okay too. Here’s why:
You are enough as a new mother and as a person as you are.
These early days especially can make you feel not-enough because it’s very challenging, and brand new. No matter how many books you read or how prepared you think you are pre-birth, it’s still going to knock you sideways some (or most) days.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is get your feet back under you, and do so with grace for yourself (and hopefully a whole lot of support from your chosen community).
I hope these pillars, and my sharing of this journey, are helpful in reminding you of the many ways you can come back to mindfulness, find different versions of rest and rejuvenation, that you are doing enough, that you deserve to simply “be” when you can find the moments of stillness, that messy bits can be great in their own way, and that, yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
You have brought new life into existence. You have gone from one, to two, back to one again, and life might look very different compared to before. You deserve rest, retreat, support, warmth, and ritual, whatever it ends up looking like.
Congrats, any new mothers reading, and for everyone else – I hope this helps you be of great support to a mother you know, or just to take these practices for yourself in a world that demands so much of us.
See you back here and on the pod soon.
With love,
Prerna