4 Tips for (Mindful!) Habit Building in the New Year
It’s New Years and I want to talk about building habits… How influencer-y of me!
I know folks feel differently about New Year's resolutions and starting fresh, etc., but I don’t particularly have a problem with people goal-setting at the start of the year if that feels like a meaningful time for you.
I also like setting goals around my birthday (a new year for me) and Diwali (because I also honor a lunar calendar and cultural milestones). You might like setting goals around the beginning of a school year, an anniversary, or new season. January 1st isn’t the end-all be-all for goal-setting, but if it works for you, great! (If not, save this post for a time where it’s relevant.)
But let’s get to the hardest part: Sticking to the goals we set for ourselves.
About 80% of people drop their New Year’s resolutions by the second week of February. And research conducted by Strava using over 800 million user-logged activities in 2019 predicts the day most people are likely to give up on their New Year's resolution is January 19. News and lifestyle outlets even habitually publish “stick to it!” articles on this exact week.
And here’s the reason: building habits, or changing our habits in order to make progress towards a goal is so challenging because it is a personality and identity shift.
We are, as people, an accumulation of habits. Embarking on a journey towards better habits can be life changing, but also an extremely challenging task when we are ingrained in our ways (ways that probably used to serve us very well).
So here are four methods to help you stick to your goals (that I’ve actually tried and vetted myself).
Attach it to a strong habit you already have.
When we recognize things that we already do consistently and well, it can be really helpful to tack on a new behavior to that, to help pull us along.
Look at your day-to-day and areas that you do something consistently. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a well-being habit, just something that is consistent. Maybe when you wake up you always make your bed, or brush your teeth right away. Perhaps when you walk in the door you always take your shoes off or place your keys in a certain spot. If you’re looking to introduce a new habit, use the strong habit that you already do to cue the new habit.
Personally, brushing my teeth is my cue to meditate. Now, I naturally go from setting my toothbrush down to walking towards my meditation spot. But in building that habit, I could put a post-it on my bathroom mirror right next to where my toothbrush goes, or leaving my toothpaste on my meditation cushion so I can’t brush my teeth without being reminded to meditate.
2. Make it manageable (AKA, if it’s small, it’s integratable).
Often, habits seem overwhelming because we bite off more than we can chew. It’s partially optimism and partially a habit of putting grandiose expectations on ourselves because that seems to be what everyone else is doing in the highly-curated world of social media.
But when the change is too big, it’s unsustainable. And when we start to feel that, it becomes just another thing that’s draining us, and we slife back into our old ways as a method of coping.
With meditation especially, many students say they’ve “fallen off the wagon” because they couldn’t always find 30 minutes a day to practice. (And this is not surprising, considering how many misguiding meditation teachers say you must do at least 30 minutes, or subtly shame students that don’t). But in meditation, and in habit-building as a whole, consistency beats duration.
It’s less important to do a habit for a long time and more important to touch it even a little bit once a day. Rather than feeling like you need to go to the gym for a 90 minute workout plus the commute there and back, start by just doing 5 push ups a day in your living room. Instead of reading a chapter a day, aim for 5 pages.
Consistency will healthily build the new habit. Plus, you might be surprised to find that 5 pushups or 5 pages in, you do want to keep going. The point is, make it as small as you need to in order to engage in it once a day.
3. Remember the benefits (your “why” at the beginning).
This might seem obvious, but when habits get tough and it's easier to just revert back to an older way of doing things, or to just skip or cheat, take a moment to list out all the benefits of why this habit is helpful, and the type of person you are becoming by engaging in that habit.
For example, meditation has a ton of benefits including stress reduction, better sleep, and increased empathy. When I’d rather hit snooze and miss my practice, I remind myself that getting up now will actually mean less stress and reactivity for the whole day after. Your “why” is your motivator. Even when you think you remember it, take a moment to consciously think it or speak it aloud.
4. Reward yourself for your hard work! You deserve it. (Seriously)
Humans love rewards. Why do we keep scrolling and refreshing on an infinity loop of Instagram posts? It’s because we love the tiny dopamine hits and crave more. We love instant gratification. But you have the power to determine what you want more of - and how to give it to yourself. Rather than succumbing to tech companies’ tricks, we can build in our own rewards for our progress.
I love my morning cup of tea; I cherish it. So, I always make it right after I’m done meditating, like a sweet little reward for doing hard things. We’re simple creatures at heart - tack something that makes you happy to the end of your habit. Of course, if your goal is to consume less sugar or budget responsibly, maybe your reward shouldn’t be chocolate or buying yourself something nice (though all in moderation). Make it a treat that jives with your intention!
Avoid Social Pressure & Remember Compassion
Lastly, if you don’t know what goal to set, don’t look directly to Instagram! I’m afraid it’s all-too likely there that you’ll find something veiled in shame having to do with weight loss, making more money, and the like. Instead, consider a goal of being more patient with yourself… Of going to bed 30 minutes earlier so you feel more refreshed… Of journaling one affirmation every morning… Or gifting yourself a time frame every day where you get to be creative with no output (doodling, guitar strumming, with no achievement or end product tied to the activity).
In the end, there is no hard pass/fail grade on you and the person you want to become. There is no start/finish date except for the one that works for you. Remember that what you’re doing can be difficult.
So start small, and be compassionate towards yourself, and pick a goal that nourishes you.